Wherever you are in your life when you decide to come into mine, there’s a few things I want you to know about me before you take any more steps forward. Before the childhood stories are shared about how you got that scar on the side of your lips, I want you to understand these few things that make me who I am.
I’m stubborn. Or rather, I’m determined. I know what I want, and once I set my mind to something, I won’t stop until I reach that goal. If one thing along my journey to reach that goal goes wrong, I will pout and probably act like a child, because I was not counting on having anything happen that would set me back from achieving my goal. I also don’t like to lose. So, whether we play fight or play video games, I will be annoyed if I lose.
I’m sassy and sarcastic. If you can’t deal with that, chances are we won’t get along well. Almost everything that comes out of my mouth has some hint of sass or sarcasm in it. I want someone who can be my best friend and respond to my sarcasm with “a good sarcasm in other ways”. I want someone who will make jokes with me, and still laugh when mine aren’t as funny as they sounded in my head. Some days, when my anxiety is in full swing, I become quiet and withdrawn and you might think there is nothing that you can do to help me. All it takes is a few corny jokes or puns to get me to crack a smile, and most of the time that’s all I need to make my day brighter.
I’m confusing. I know to guys, all girls are confusing, but I become the biggest contradiction of myself. Sometimes I’m easy to read and other times I couldn’t tell you what I want because I don’t even know myself. There is no gray space with me, I see everything in either black or white. While I try to be completely honest about everything that’s on my mind, if there ever comes a time when I’m having a hard time explaining what’s going on in my head, please be patient with me as I’m trying to figure it out myself.
I will always be honest and loyal to you. I will always give you 110% and never give up. I will be your best friend, your number one fan, your biggest supporter. I have had people give up on me and walk out without any hesitation when things get though, and I could never think about doing that to someone. My secrets will become yours, even the ones I don’t like to talk about. I’ll never hide anything or keep anything from you. Honesty and loyalty are the two most important aspects in a relationship to me.
I will do my best to never doubt you, but I’ll need you to be patient with me. Many people have done me wrong in the past – whether it be in friendships or romantic relationships – my trust has been broken, abused, and taken advantage of many times. Even if you personally have never given me a reason not to trust you, there will always be a little sense of doubt in the back of my brain. It’ll get better and eventually go away with time, but it will take a while. Please don’t get mad or upset if I ever question you about things. I don’t mean to be insulting, I just need a little reassurance every now and then.
Lastly, I will sometimes doubt that I’m wanted. I know you care (I know if you didn’t want me in your life you would have gotten rid of me by now) but sometimes all it takes is a little reassurance that I am still wanted. All it takes is 30 seconds to send me a text saying “I hope you have a great day,” or “I’m happy to have you in my life.” That’s all it takes and those doubts about not being wanted disappear from my mind in an instant. If you’re willing to patience with me, I think everything will work its way out.
We will have our ups and downs just like any other relationship would, but I’m not one to give up and walk out when things get tough and I hope you’re not either.
To the person who walks into my life, thank you to choosing me. Loved you yesterday, love you still, always have, always will.